First: the vacation part two–wonderful! There are no words to express how wonderful it was to wake up on Christmas day with my best friend and cook a meal together and laugh and smile all day and play games and have a good time. No drama. No angry words. No yelling. No negativity. Just plain fun!
It was nice not only because I love spending time with her but because I was really not looking forward to feeling awkward around Beth’s family. It’s not that they have been rude or unwelcoming to me–quite the opposite, in fact. It’s more that it would’ve been a big family thing with people who I didn’t really know but who would want me to act as though I were family anyway and I really have a hard time with that.
Anyway, Ev wrote me a card and gave me a necklace that she had been given but did not wear. Though they weren’t strictly Christmas presents, she also gave me puff paint for marking things, two bath towels, two hand towels and one washcloth. Too many hair things to count, several handbags–more like book bags–and a set of earrings. The night we went out for Chinese I let her paint my nails and I put the earrings in and put my hair up with a ponytail holder and spray and wore a nice dress and I really felt ultra-girly…still not sure what to make of this…
The train ride from Warrensburg to St. Louis was uneventful save me making an idiot of myself whilst worshipping without thought to my surroundings…lol.
Picture it: I’m sitting in a seat all to myself. Headphones in. Phone on my lap. Listening to Chris Tomlin’s new album (which is amaaaaaaazing, by the way!) waving my hands around in the air as though I’m in church without a care in the world besides worshiping…
I didn’t even realize I was doing it til my hand smacked into the luggage rack above me. Oooooops…
I texted Tim to tell him, then called Jessica and talked for a few minutes…I really felt stupid. I was like what if they think the blind chick is crazy? She was like oh well, no shame in worship anyway; I agreed.
The bus ride from St. Louis to Columbus was very interesting. First a guy had a seizure so we had to stop to get him medical attention–which did not come nearly as quickly as I would’ve thought it might. After we got him onto the ambulance and us back on our way, a woman on the bus started saying crazy stuff. Like i don’t know if she was really on the phone or not but if she was somebody was hearing some really weird stuff, but more likely she was just pretending…but that makes it even worse!
She was talking about like kill the Asian girls for making fun of the black boy and put out an APB on them and get Central Inteligence right on that and all kinds of crazy stuff. We were all kinda scared because she kept doing this…kept talking about killing people and how they all deserved to die and omygosh i really was scared she was just going to blow us all up or go psychotic on us or something.
Anyway, we arrived in Columbus around 8:30 and I was back at home by 9. I talked for a bit with Tim and Josh made waffles. After that, Josh tried to reformat my computer, which was a big fail while I opened a present from Beth’s grandma. She gave me a really nice wallet (and put $10 inside…) plus a box of chocolates. I’ve eaten most of the top half, but plan to save the rest for sharing with Tim tomorrow night in our own little celebration.
After the excitement of this was over, I laid down to take a nap and woke again around 1. I listened to Tomlin some more with Josh and Beth and we talked and laughed about the crazy lady on the bus. I talked to Tim around 5:30 and then Cindy arrived shortly after with all of the things to go to the apartment tomorrow. Everyone wants to know what I do and do not have, but until I get it all home and unpacked and put away, I just won’t be able to answer those questions. For the people who have expressed an interest in doing something nice for me: I will make a final list of things I’d still like to have or do need but can’t get and post it here–that way whoever wants to see it can and I don’t have to keep circulating e-mailed copies etc. If you want to do something but need my address there, get in touch with me privately. I think my e-mail is listed on my profile here, but in case it’s not, you can send an e-mail to:
I just want to thank all of those who have worked hard to get me the things that I do have–especially my cousin Cindy. I don’t even know if she reads these but even if she doesn’t it’s important for me to write it here because I truly do feel gratitude for all of the things she’s done and if it weren’t for her I would be starting out with absolutely nothing. She has gone way above and beyond anything she ever had to and I’ve tried to tell her of how thankful I am, but I don’t think it ever hurts to give a public thanks to someone who has done so very much for you. Thank you Mommy for the package you wil send and for being my Mommy and loving me always no matter what. Thanks to my grandma and uncle for stepping in whenever I’ve needed them. Thanks to Josh and Beth for allowing me to stay with them and being willing to help me get moved to Oxford. Thanks to Jessica for doing what you have chosen to do. Thanks to Alex and Raz and Cindy and Ev and all of my friends who have been supportive through the recent drama and who have believed me and stuck by me.
Thanks to Tim for believing in me and being supportive and giving guidance when and where needed for the school process and for being so comforting and reassuring and loving and caring and understanding and for just having faith in me and what we share. I love you so much and try very hard not to take you for granted and let you know as often as possible how much I care for and appreciate you.
Most of all, as far as Earthly beings go, I want to thank my Baby Bonkers for being the perfect guide dog. Today is his birthday and of course, he won’t read this, but, it’s important for me to write it, anyway…Happy Birthday, Baby Boy. I love and miss you so very much. I hope you are happy at your new home and I hope I get to play with and pet you again someday. You were an amazing partner and I miss having you by my side everyday. I wake up and think of you…I go to bed and I think of you…I play with Benji and I think of you. I miss the feel of your harness handle in my hand and the pull of the harness and the leash over my wrist. I miss hearing your tags and waking up to your cold nose on my face. You took such good care of me the entire time we were together. You were so patient with all the moves and the changes and the times that I wasn’t as consistent with you as I should have been. I will always remember you and even if I ever do work another dog, you were my first and there will never be another dog like you. You were the first one to show me that I could trust a dog to get me across the street. You were the first to show me what it was like to have someone who would just kiss away your tears without criticizing. You were the first one to show me that it was ok to goof off and have a good time…even if it does require getting all covered in slobber. You were the first to show me that walks in the park are even more fun with a dog along. You made going through malls and busy shops so much easier and though I can redo those same things again with another dog…it won’t be the same thing because I already know how it is to do those things. I am thankful for every single moment I got with you. I will always love and miss you.
This is, I guess, where I slip into my review of 2010. I’ll be honest and say that it was looking pretty darned bleak at the beginning there!
January-The beginning of the year sounded cool. So my girl and I went out to a gay bar with a friend of Amber’s. Somehow I ended up across her lap in the backseat of a cab at 2 in the morning puking up anything that I’d eaten or drunk that day…lots of alcohol…lots of it. That was super embarrassing–let’s not repeat this one, k kids? Later on in the month, I began the application process for BLIND Inc. Toward the end of the month, Rebecca and I were having problems and she was wanting to go back to Daytona to visit her family.
Febuary-Rebecca in daytona; more fighting and making up; start date for BLIND Inc.
March-Start BLIND Inc. I learned a lot of things I didn’t know and definitely would recommend the program to anyone who has reached a place where they know they need better independent living skills.
April-Still at BLIND Inc. End of the contract that I was on in Rebecca’s name with T-Mobile, so I switched to AT&T, not wanting to re-sign the contract with her if we were going to split. Switching also gave me an excuse to get an iPhone, which I definitely do not regret! Sent Yonkres back to GDB. It broke my heart but he was not adjusting to being away from me at all and the lack of work was unfair to him.
May-Still at BLIND Inc. Still fighting with Rebecca. Thinking it’s really over.
June-Find out about and apply for the job in Columbus; get an interview date.
July-NFB National Convention. Met a lot of really great people whom I’ve watched from afar (including Scott LaBarre–an attorney, and I guess, technically, the first blind attorney I was ever introduced to…) Attended a lot of informative meetings and experienced independence in a very different way. (Finding your way around the Anatole in Dallas without any help whatever is definitely a confidence-builder, let me tell you!) Once back to BLIND Inc., I made a mad dash for Columbus where I had my interview. Met Tim (sort of…) in a monopoly game…which is where it all began for us. Biggest event of the year: rededicating my life to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, on the 17th. This changed the rest of the year for me. The first half of the year, though it had gone alright with me being at BLIND Inc., had not been very good emotionally. Rebecca and I were fighting and it seemed that I could never do anything right.
August-Leave BLIND Inc. for the job that I was told I had gotten. Move in with Josh and Beth. Meet Tim for the very first time in person.
September-Attend mediation for the law suit I’m involved in. This being held in Daytona, I saw Rebecca for the first time since she’d left in April. Came back from mediation hearing rumors about what had supposedly occured while I’d been there with her. Spent my birthday with Tim.
October-Went to see Tim. Found out that the job was on hold indefinitely, since there were scripting issues and the people who handled those things were unavailible to sort it out just then. Decided that I’d much rather be in school anyway, and filled out an application for Miami University of Ohio. Went to see Tim again.
November-Went to see Tim. Filled out more paper work for applications. Searched for apartments. Found something and inquired. Was told to come in and fill out an application. Thanksgiving with Beth’s family.
December-See Tim and sign lease for apartment across the hall. Shop with family for necessities. Visit friends for the holidays. Get my acceptance letter from Miami. Celebrate the birth of my Savior.
Over all, I think it’s ben a pretty good year, though I am looking forward to putting it behind me. I am thankful for God saving me from myself this year, because at the beginning, I was definitely on a very destructive path. There have been good moments this year–rededicating my life to God and meeting Tim being the top two–but there are parts of this year that I’d rather put behind me.
I hope that I can shine brighter for my Lord, can share more of him and show less of me this year. I want only to glorify Him in all that I say and do. I will close with a song: