I refuse to start this post off with an apology! I do that every time I go any period of time without updating and this time, I just won’t do it! I won’t I won’t I—…
I’m sorry, ok? I’m…I’m sorry!
Tim was sick this last week and all I did was take care of him. The week before I met with my BSVI counselor and we’re getting that process started but she doesn’t think there will be any problem with me going to school during the summer because the classes are cheaper anyway. Hurrah for a win-win. I can pick up credits like those pick-up sticks you pick up when you’ve tossed them up in the air and they get to pay less than they would if I waited and took them during the year. Methinks that if things go the way I’d like them to, it won’t actually take me four years to get my Bachelor’s.
That is the magnificent.
Tim being well…that’s also another magnificent thing…since he ran fever for four days straight and no matter that I made soup and he popped Advill and Tylanal like candy…he just could not get well.
Finally today, we had breakfast together and he said he thought he felt better. So we walked up to Skyline together for lunch.
Ok we weren’t originally going out for skyline; we were originally going out for him to get a hair cut…but since he didn’t get to do that because the shop was closed, I figured we might as well make something of the whole trip. So we did.
The cold and the snow and the ice notwithstanding, we had a wonderful time.
I don’t usually tell stories in my posts; I’m usually writing about what’s going on in my life.
Today, however, I have to share this because it was quite a realization even for me.
A conversation that I had recently went a little like this:
Me: “You can’t really get to know someone unless you get to spend time with them.”
Her: “I can see that…”
Me: “Like in-person, on a regular basis time. Whenever you’re spending time with someone speradically, it’s intense. it’s special. It’s fun. It’s happy. It’s good. Whenever you spend time with someone on a regular basis you get to see how it really is for you and that person without the pretending. Without all of the dressing it up. Whenever Tim and I first started seeing one another it was good. it was always happy. Why? Because it was only a couple days at a time. We both knew we only had two, sometimes three days at the most together. And we wanted every moment to be special. We wanted to cherish every single second because we knew that it could be a whole month, sometimes two before we would get to see one another again. Now? Now I live here, right across the hall. now we deal with every day problems. Bills. Laundry. Dishes. Cooking. Showers. Friends. Church. Work. School. Health. Family concerns. Etc. When you can spend time with a person on a regular basis and face the every day problems together and be able to say you’re still happy and that nothing has changed, that is when you know it’s right. That is when you know it’s real. Happy is not necessarily being together every single second. It was whenever we only saw one another once a month. now that we see one another every single day, I can be cooking breakfast or dinner and he can be in the other room on the computer or having a shower or listening to the radio etc and I still know I’m happy. I still know he loves me. I still know I love him. I’m comfortable in his apartment. I know where everything is. I know his routine and I know the things he likes for me to do for him and the things he prefers to do for himself. I know how he takes his coffee–usually without anything in it unless it doesn’t have a flavor–and I know how he likes his oatmeal. I know when he has had a long day at work. I can usually tell when he needs some alone time or when he needs me to offer to do something for him because he is tired or frustrated. If you don’t spend that time together in person, though, you don’t learn those little quirks. He prefers things grilled over pan-cooked. He does not eat salads because he does not like raw vegetables. I’m just saying that though you can talk about this stuff in theory, it’s different to experience it. How do you know that there won’t be something that you can’t stand until you have to face every single little thing about a person? Yes there can be things that you work through, that you negotiate about, but over all, you need that in-person interaction to be certain that the compatibility is there.”
Her: “You have a very good point, but, what do I do if I don’t know that I’m ready to make that commitment?”
Me: “No one can tell you that you are or aren’t ready. And no one can tell you that you’re wrong for not being ready. But pretending that you are or that you aren’t either way if you don’t know is a bad plan.”
Her: “Thanks for talking to me about this. It gives me a lot to think about.”
Little did I or she know, but it gave me a lot to think about, to. I saw a similarity in this situation to our positions with God. Confusing? That’s ok. I was kind of confused at first, to, but if you’ll stick with me a minute, I’ll explain.
When we first develop a relationship with God; whenever we first accept Him into our hearts and lives, we’re happy. Enthusiastic. Amazed. Absolutely thrilled to get up on Sundays and go to worship or share with a close friend of His love and forgiveness. We can’t wait to share with a co-worker or classmate how changed we are.
People see this change in us. We are happier; take a positive outlook on life; smile a lot; share hugs abundantly; maybe even money…because after all, God wants us to do those things.
Then the reality of the situation sets in and sometimes we aren’t as happy anymore. We have to accept that when we pray for things, God will sometimes say ‘no.’ We have to accept that his solutions for problems are not always that solutions we would have picked. We have to tithe whenever we know it will cut into our spending money or savings. We have to study His word whenever we’re sick. Whenever we’re tired. Whenever we’re busy. And sometimes that is too much and we end up becoming “Sunday Christians.”
Whenever the mundane meets the magnificent, we sometimes choose the mundane over the magnificent, because after all, Christ will be there later and there are so many other mundane things to do.
When you get comfortable in a relationship, you let things slip because the person will be there later. That time is not always so important to have immediately.
I’d just like to point out that while it’s one thing to do this with people, it’s not the way we should handle our relationship with Christ. Christ didn’t say ‘I’ve got so much else to do; I’ll get to that later.’ He hears your prayers and he answers them. He holds your hand and gives you strength. All day. Every day. No matter what time. he’s never too busy for you. He came to this Earth and died so that you could inherit the Kingdom of God. But you can’t even take fifteen minutes out of your busy day for Him anymore? You did in the beginning. What happened? Are you still happy? Does He show you enough love? Does He not provide for you the way you thought He would?
I thank you, for every single day. Thank you, Father, for the opportunity to live for you today. Thank you, Father, for the ability to write this message for others to see. May this message speak to someone as it did me. May my words be not mine, Father, but yours through me. May I glorify you in all that I say and do.
In Jesus’ name I do so pray,