Ok…No. I didn’t kill anyone, but I sure thought about it–and Tim was at the top of my list! (Or at least for the first…twenty minutes of the day, anyway.)
See, it was all his fault for not calling me, because I had to be ready to go by nine-thirty, and he said he’d call me if he got up before eight…only he didn’t call me, and so our breakfast was rushed and we didn’t get to spend much time together before I had to leave, and that always makes for a miserable day, lemme tell ya!
So as the story goes, Jennifer (who I work with at CFS in Hamilton) had a ten-thirty class, so she came for me at nine-thirty and we went to Middletown for that.
I had to sit in a lobby while she was in class, and we thought that’d be ok, except I couldn’t get the stupid wireless to let me on. There’s supposed to be this big to-do about using your student id and password to log into the wireless, but my computer wouldn’t even link to the thing so I could enter my id and password, so then I thought I’d use the “guest” log in, but it said I had to creat an account. Whenever I did this, I thought I’d go on and do important things, you know, like accept my financial aid awards and pick my classes for the fall. Except…there’s this checklist of things I’m supposed to do before I can accept my financial aid awards. Ok…fine…I guess. Kinda sucky but I’ll do whatever I gotta do. So I think, maybe I don’t have to have my financial aid accepted before I can pick my classes. Well, apparently, it’s irrelivant whether I have my financial aid awards accepted or not, because I can’t register for classes until the thirteenth of July!
Someone just shoot me now!
So Jen gets outa her class and we grab lunch and take lunch to the center and I think I’ll take a break away from the whole thing and just catch my breath, because, you know, this morning has been really disappointing.
I spread my lunch out on my desk–I got a milk shake to drink and mayonaise on my burger–and before its over I’ve got mayonaise and milk shake (both of course) on my shirt and I’m supposed to see people besides, you know, Julie and jenn tonight, which is really embarrassing, because, like, I feel like people who don’t know that I really do know how to eat food without making messes get the idea that blind people, especially if they’ve never dealt with a blind person before, can’t eat without geting food all over themselves, and I just absolutely hate that because I do my very best to represent competent capable mature independent blind people, not incompetent, incapable, dependent, immature blind people.
Anyway, I had to get over myself because there was no way to get back to Oxford to change and though I went to the bathroom and wiped at it a bit, it just…didn’t all come off (of course, because, you know, my luck really sucked Monday!)
There was a committee meeting for the Festival Of Trees (a local fund-raiser for both CFS and the Dovehouse, which serves as a safe place for battered women.) I’ve been snagged for contacting potential sponsors; I’m not sure how good I’ll be, but I suppose someone calling and not getting many responses is better than no one calling and getting absolutely no responses.
After that meeting we had the board meeting for CFS, which basically was just to decide whether or not to hire Jennifer as a paid position–which was voted yes.
Once that was over, I met some ladies who come in for a rape crisis group and found out about
The Postcard Project.
It’s essentialy a program where people–mostly victims of assault or close family members of victims–write short but descriptive or powerful phrases on postcards and then leave them random places. It’s supposed to be an awareness project. If you’re interested in doing something good that won’t take up much of your time, it’d be a personal favor to me–and the women affected by sexual assault–if you’d do this. You don’t even have to actually have a card (though it would be good if you did.) You can go on the site and submit a phrase to be printed on a card by another volunteer and left somewhere. I also spoke to one of the ladies who helps lead this group about the crisis hotline located in Oxford, because I’d tried to volunteer there but never got a response, and wondered why that had been. She said she’d find out for me what was going on (which she did, and apparently, he lost my number) so I told her if she could get me the correct number to get back in touch with the right person, I was still interested and I’d love to volunteer for them. I still haven’t heard from her, but that doesn’t mean anything, since I just sent her that e-mail today.
After all of that exciting discussion, there was a sexual assault support group meeting, and, at the request of my”boss”, I attended. It was the first meeting, so I definitely didn’t share much, but one woman did. I’d love to share more about some of the feelings shared and felt, but since this is public, I won’t, because I’m not down for breaching privacy. Suffice it to say that attending the meeting was good for me.
After the meeting, Julie and I went to subway which was nice. We were able to talk some while on our way back to my apartment in Oxford. We talked about how I have a passion for social work type jobs, and how Tim thinks I should change my degree from a bachelor’s in English to a Bachelor’s in Social Work, and then still go to law school because a background in Social Work will be just as helpful in different ways as one in English. I think it’s what I want to do, but I dread discussing it with Hope, because she’s going to probably ask all these questions about why I changed my mind and if I can change my mind now then I can certainly change it later and how can the state fund me if I’m not sure what I want to do? Blah blah blah blah. Nervous, but I really really really think it needs to happen.
Today Tim and I went to the Birchfields’ for dinner as we usually do, and the craziest thing happened. I’d chosen milk to drink but there was something wrong with it, so I asked for water and Kim comes out with this mason jar full of water and at first I’m ok. I pick it up and immediately identify it for what it is…
And then I realize that I have just identified it for what it is…
And I just start sobbing. I don’t know how to explain it or why it affected me so strongly but all of a sudden I could remember canning and a time when it was normal to drink out of a mason jar (maybe for a while when I was younger I even thought that that’s all our family drank out of!) I could feel the blisters on my hands from peeling pears and sunburn from being in the garden all day and shelling peas and I thought omygod, this is crazy. How can I be thinking all these things at once and where in the world did these thoughts come from anyway?
I think it was just a huge reminder of home and I didn’t expect it and some days I do just fine without home and other days I can’t stand the fact that I don’t live closer and I guess mostly it was that I didn’t expect a mason jar there…though I don’t know why I didn’t, because if I should expect them at anybody’s house, it should be the Birchfields’, because they’re like this simple, down-to-Earth family who plants a garden and bakes their own bread and doesn’t even have a television because they’ve got way more important things to do with their days than sit in front of a TV…blah blah blah. They have a community dinner night and are such an open happy family that, of course, I should expect to find mason jars in their home…except I didn’t before tonight.
I guess one more quick note and that is that Hope e-mailed me today saying she is back in the office and she has my tech evaluation report and will read it and get back to me tomorrow, so I’m really really hoping that she does, because that means I’ll know for sure what I’m getting and not getting etc. Friday morning I will go grocery shopping and then Kara will pick me up with my groceries and bring me back so that I can put them away, and then we will go somewhere for lunch. I really look forward to these opportunities because there was a young woman from Immaus who I was meeting with weekly, but, for some reason, that has stopped. I think that that quiet time with a good friend is always nice.
Now I’m off to spend some time with Tim. Have a fabulous night, everyone!