There will be those who do not think that my anger is justified or warranted etc.
I don’t really care and it’s not your blog or your life or your feelings that have been hurt, so please, if you can’t say anything caring and supportive, just don’t say anything at all.
I went to the University but all I did was run back and forth without answering any questions. Maybe my major will get changed but maybe not if the lady who I trusted with the form doesn’t get the lady who has to sign it to do so. Maybe I’ll get my residency status changed, but maybe not since I don’t own a car and I don’t pay taxes and I don’t have a job. Things are going to fall apart if I can’t get residency status. Oh well…one day at a time.
Yesterday I read and in the evening I followed along on twitter for the Sprint Cup Race in Kentucky that Tim actually got to go to. Last thing I knew last night was that the afternoon with his mom and dad was still on.
This morning I get up and have my shower and spend all morning freaking with my mom on skype (thanks again, Mommy!) and I’ve found the perfect outfit and everything matches and my hair looks nice and all is absolutely perfect…
And Then Tim calls and says we’re not doing it…again!
Needless to say, I went to church crying and upset. Regardless of whether or not it’s his fault, I’m tired. Tired of planning, tired of looking forward to it and hoping and stressing over the fact that it’s going to happen and what his mom will think and then at the last minute (literally today!) it’s off. I feel like just telling Tim that I don’t care anymore if I meet her, because the stress over the planning and then canceling just isn’t worth it to me. It’s not worth all the crap I go through every single time we plan it.
I am such a stupid pushover.
I was initially going to go to house church since we weren’t going to be in Cincinnati but he texted me and asked if I’d stay home instead because his dad wanted to talk to me. At first I said I didn’t want to because I didn’t want to stay home dwelling on where I was supposed to be as opposed to where I actually am, but eventually after talking to him on the phone I gave in and said I’d stay home.
Here I go again, sacrificing my feelings, my wants, to his. Sometimes I just want to scream, ‘What! About! Me!’
But I don’t do that because I know I’m just frustrated.
Kim was going to meet with me for coffee at 3:00 and I’m going to still do that if Tim isn’t already here by then. I don’t really see what his dad will say that I don’t already know to be honest, but I did say I would be availible, so I will.
Ironically, Pastor spoke on pity parties this morning and how they aren’t really the answer.
I know they’re not but gosh sometimes they make me feel better!
Tomorrow I’m going to go to meet with Chris (the director of volunteer services, I think) at 2:00. I’m hoping we find that everything is accessible and he likes me so I can start my training there in preparation for volunteering.