“Happy birthday to me … happy birthday to me …”

(Harry Potter _Harry _Potter _And _The _Chamber _Of _Secrets)

I did get a card (thanks, Jess!) and I got lots of presents (thanks Mom and Jess and Tim and Sheila and Tim Sr.!)

But I did spend the day wishing I didn’t exist.

School has been stressful and more recently, Tim and I have reached a place in our relationship where I just do not know where we are going or if we will get there.

We spend large amounts of time acting like we’re married and then trying to convince ourselves that we don’t act that way, and on an emotional level, I just can’t take it anymore.

We’ve had several fights about what the best way to handle the situation would be, and we still haven’t really come to any good conclusions.

I love him and think that we should either get over it and get married and take whatever comes, or recognize that we have ruined what could have been a good us, and he thinks if we step back physically that that will fix my struggles emotionally.

I know myself and I’m positive that it will not work, because the time we spend together, as infrequent as it could be, would still just put me right back in that place.

In other news: i have tried spending more time with Aleeha (on my birthday, we had lunch at a dining hall I’d never eaten at, went back to her room for cards and girl talk, back to the house for lasagna…(wait, the lasagna is another story…) and then to the rec center where we swam and I proceeded to lose my ID and keys…)

Obviously i’m getting ahead of myself, so let’s just back up.

Early last week, my package from my mommy arrived. Inside, I had several jellies and a pair of new tennis shoes (thanks again, Mommy) and a hand- crochetted small backpack/largish purse thinggie in Miami’s colors (red and white.)

A couple days after, my package from Jess came and it was the sweetest thing ever, because she was so determined to make the card in braille that she used daino tape! Silly chick!

The perfume she sent me makes me think of my grandma because it is something she wears (white diamonds.)

I had expressed an interest in it ages ago, but had said I didn’t actually expect to get it because it was so expensive.

Surprised, I definitely was.

Friday night, Tim took me to a nice restaurant here and I had jumbalaya and it was pretty good to be made in the north but I had a margarita and it was on ice instead of blended and omygosh it absolutely sucked but then we had this really rich coffee ice cream sundae-esq thing and it was just as good as the margarita was bad.

Saturday morning he gave me a necklace which I think is very pretty but of course I can’t see it. I’d take pictures and put them up if I thought my pictures would ever come out worth anything.

Sunday we went to his parents’ and his mom wanted to take me to Lane Bryant, so I got a couple pairs of jeans and a couple shirts.

Then we went to Old Navy for things for Bella and MJ and ended up with another purse for me and an umbrella, something which I had not previously owned.

Once finished there, we went for shakes somewhere; some ice cream shop that had a drive-through, and then back to the house.

At the house, Sheila gave me several tester perfumes plus a bottle of something she wears a lot…and if Rhonda is reading this blog she is going to be like, oh gosh, but she gave me a bottle of Light Blue.

I have been overwhelmed by Tim Sr. and Sheila’s kindness toward me.

Sheila made amazing lasagna and then cake from scratch besides, and Tim Sr. sweet guy that he is, was determined to have 24 represented on the cake, and, not finding the number 4, proceeded to buy the tiny candles and put 24 of them…literally…on the cake for me to blow out.

There was lasagna as well as cake left, so of course, we brought that back with us.

After dinner he washed dishes and I dried and we had a bit of a talk.

Sheila and I had our talk while shopping, and I think she is the sweetest woman ever.

On my actual birthday, as I said, Tim and i fought, but I saw Aleeha and then went to the rec center with her in the evening.

Yesterday I did a show putting in extra hours on

Tomorrow, I will also do another show from 12 to 3 Eastern.

Today, i had music class and literature and globalization. I would have psychology, to, if it weren’t for the fact that he decided early on that we just weren’t going to meet on Wednesdays.

Friday, I have psychology as well as Globalization exams, about which I am kind of freaking out.

I found out that I made a 75 on the music exam I took, and that absolutely floored me, because I had studied for it and thought I knew what I was talking about.

Still, i did get the correct answers back from her and will definitely be studying them to ensure that I do not make the same mistakes again.

Once I am done here, I will go to the store and get the things to bake cookies to take to Tim and his secretary, because I’m a sucker like that.

Tonight, we will hopefully meet up with Aleeha and have dinner, after which we will play cards at her dorm room.

Ok. Enough from me, now. Plenty else to do, but before I sign off, I just want to say:

Thank you for all of you who commented on my facebook to tell me happy birthday. Thank you for everyone who sent presents or made phone calls or sent good positive thoughts. My birthday had its trials and in some ways it is just another day, but knowing that each of you were thinking of me on that special day made a difference, and it’s important for each of you to know that though i had classes and things I was busy with, I did not blow any of your posts off. I read each and every single one, and I smiled at the reading, just knowing that each of you had thought, however briefly, of me in your day. Everyone’s time is valuable to them, and to know that I was worth just those few short seconds of your time, means more to me than you will ever know.

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