Reflections on 2011

Ok so I haven’t written that much this year and when I have written, they’ve been brief posts, lacking in much detail. I don’t really plan to be able to give more detail now than I did then, but I plan to try to say something about each month, so that there’s some since of what this year has been like for me. My apologies for the length of this post.

January saw me moving into my new apartment with the help of my cousin and getting acquainted with Oxford and the idea of being so close to Tim. We really enjoyed that change from only seeing one another once a month. I meant to start school but it soon became apparent to all that the paperwork and financial aspects of school were impossible to sort out in time, so we put it off til the fall.

Febuary saw Tim having an eye surgery and me keeping Ben for him and an awful ice storm. An emotional upset happened when Tim came back from surgery following some revelations of a mistake I had made. This almost separated us, but love and the Lord prevailed and we made it through, with nothing less than prayer and commitment to one another and to Him. On the 25th, my niece Autym Rose Herrin was born to my brother Dusty and his girlfriend Jennifer.

March saw me volunteering at a Women’s Care Center, helping distribute materials to women and babies in need. This was a very enjoyable thing for me, as helping people is always something that makes me feel good about myself and what I’m spending my time on. Late March, I went to Orlando for the trial of the apartment complex who had denied me because of my blindness and we won. I got to see my mom while there, and walk around in Orlando a bit, which I always enjoy walking around in cities.

April saw Tim and I going with a couple he’s friends with to a baseball game where we saw Jeremy Camp in concert afterwards. The concert was wonderful, but the weather was miserable.

May saw me doing lots of good things, though. I attended the walk to Emmaus (a spiritual retreat for 72 hours) where you reflect on your relationship with Christ and where you feel called as a member of the body of Christ. It was a very emotional experience which words could never recapture.

June saw us attending the wedding for the couple (Michael and Meagan) who we had gone with to the ball game in April. Tim was the Best Man. There was tragedy in Tim’s brother-in-law’s family, involving his brother-in-law Scott driving the car when a little boy died in an accident.

July saw me finally meeting Tim’s parents and getting more paper work done for school. There was some more emotional upset between Tim and I (this time over accusations by others of something that I didn’t do) and again, it looked as though we might not make it through, but we did and only the Lord knows why. I explored the possibility of volunteering with the Community Counseling and Chrisis Center, but that did not pan out in the end. Toward the end of the month, we went to Faith Day at the Great American Ball Park where we watched the Reds play a game and then saw Mercy Me in concert.

August saw me meeting Tim’s sis Abby at her daughter Mary Jane’s birthday party as well as starting school and broadcasting for an internet radio station.

September saw my own birthday party held at Tim’s parents’. It was very nice and we had a wonderful time. We made friends with another blind student here and so spent some time with her then, to.

October was made up of mostly school.

November was still made of school, but we did go for Thanksgiving at Tim’s parents’, which was very nice. I met more of his family and stayed a few nights at his parents’ place before we came back to Oxford. I began a Bible study withKim, which promptly got put on hold for finals and then Christmas.

December began with finals and has ended with one of the worst Christmases I’ve ever seen. A long story short is that I was accused of having my ex here (which was not true) and it was said that the reason i did not go with Tim to his parents’ house this weekend was not because I was sick, but because I had someone here. Now this was so untrue, but rather than be stuck on why people feel the need to say so many bad things about me, I will just say that despite this huge accusation, Tim and I are still together, still happy and in love and planning to stay that way, and I do believe that it is nothing less than the Lord’s intervention, because Tim would have walked away so long ago otherwise.

For other reasons, we have been having difficulties, and despite those to, we have made it. So if it is not meant for us to one day be married, then, there must be some reason for us to be together now, and whatever it is, i’m thankful for it.

What I have learned from this year:

You know, I could write down all the same things I have probably said at the end of every year.

Family is important. God loves me more than any other person ever could. Love others as I love myself. Mistakes have helped me grow into who I am.

Blah blah blah blah.

Really though what I have learned and I hope I learn every year, because learning it once doesn’t mean you never forget or don’t need to be reminded, is that there are all kinds of people in the world. Positive people. Loving people. Negative people. Hate-filled people. People somewhere in-between the two extremes. Of those people, sometimes people will love you; sometimes they will hate you; sometimes they will say they love you but show you that their definition of love and your definition differ. The one thing you can’t do, in any case, is judge and assume who will show or do what, because just when you think you have something or someone figured out, you find out you don’t, and the people you thought you could trust will be first in line to prove you wrong, and people you thought you should never share your last name with, are the ones who will keep your secrets until the end of time.

It is true that no one can love you like God. It is true that only you can choose what happens to your life by the little choices you make every day. It is true that sometimes you make a judgment call in who to trust and count on and who not to, and you’re wrong, and in those instances, you have to chalk it up to a bad choice; a bad judge in character; whatever you say. But when it all comes out, the people who count will still be standing by your side and their love for you will shine and you will know that all the time. They won’t just love you some days. They won’t just love you in some situations. They will love you no matter what.

So this year, I’m giving thanks to the people who really stood by me all year long. All the time. No matter what.

I don’t need to name you. You know if I’m talking about you.

Saturday, baby Yonkers will be 8 years old. That’s not that old, I guess, when you think about it. Some guides are still working. Yonkers, however, is not, and though I would never work another guide, thought I will never hold a harness handle in my hand again, I cherish the memories of us. Each year, I ask myself how bad it would have been for me to still be working him. Last year was pretty rough. Last Christmas was my first without him, but I wasn’t alone and it was a good thing because I was pretty sad. Yet last year was definitely not the year for me to have a dog. This year wouldn’t have been so bad, though, because I was active, but stable, and I learned a lot of new places but all in the context of staying in one place, and in a surprising kind of way, I may just decide I like it.

He still gets lots of credit for who I am, because who I am now was affected by who I became while he was with me.

I love you baby boy, and I will always think of you.

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