Ok so I haven’t written yet this year and I try every year to do this and it’s after midnight but Aleeha was in the hospital for spraining her ankle…again! So I wasn’t able to write this before midnight.
This year it was a little harder and a little easier…but I’m afraid in the end every year will always be the same.
He’s gone and he’s never coming back and I have to face this big bad world without him and though I have a million people who love me and care and want to be there and though I am thankful for each and every one of them they are not him and it breaks my heart every time I think of it.
Some pluses for this year:
I was very busy. In the first half of the year I volunteered until I couldn’t stand up straight or took care of Tim or hung out with the Birchfields etc etc etc. Basically I didn’t let myself miss him.
In the second half of this year (year being time between each of his birthdays) I was in school and that has kept me very occupied and unable to feel very sorry for myself.
In past years it has been hard because I’ve been doing nothing or the equivalent of nothing and so it has been hard with nothing else to think about, to avoid thinking of him.
Tim is very close to his family and every time he goes to spend the weekend with them or his adad comes here to see him I am sad because I realize that I can never have the relationship with my dad that he does and in general probably will never have the relationship with my family that he has with his. Not because they love me less or because they want me less or think of me less etc but because I probably will never live as close to my family as he does to his and that will always be hard for me I think.
This year I have a song that totally fits what I feel a lot of times. You may see below.